2.26.2004

Religious Humor

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her
mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the
color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child
thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom
wearing
black?"


##############

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she
could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed,
"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let
me be late!" While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and
fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up,
brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once
again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But
please don't shove me either!"


###############

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The
first
boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls
it a poem, they give him $50."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a
piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words
on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to
collect all the money!"


##############

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested
no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I
don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."


##############

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you
had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."


##############

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus
with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a
baby sitter."


##############

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy
father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches
us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one
little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."


#############

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything,
including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent whenp
they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in
the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and
said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have
pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."


###########

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong
preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think
about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how
Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad."

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